Let Me Go Now
by grizzleteet
Summary: The life and times of the greatest person to ever exist in the universe: the phantom of the opera or otherwise known to the Harpies as Erik La Bouf
1. A sinister prologue

The sinister Prologue

Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap went the wings of the Harpies off the coast of France. The wind was cold and the air had a charge of pure electricity. A strom was brewing. Not just any storm, a storm of old.

Even to the most knowlegeable Parisian the Cave of the Winds was little known. To the few that it did they knew the legend that it harbored pirates and villians of the olden days. Perhaps even their souls remained. Who knew.

Well Maybe Tasha LaBouf would find out, she feared, however she hoped she wouldn't. For the past month she had made this vicious isle her home after her ingenious abortion plot went awry leaving her shipwrecked in this desolate hell. With the unsuccessful abortion plot not only did she fail with terminating her unwanted pregnancy but she also lost her mind. For the past month she had done nothing but rode the backs of wild boars and wove tapestries out of coconut leaves and pubic hair.

It was storming the night her water broke.

"Oh, Garn!" she cried out to the boars who took no mind to her as she was prone to such outbursts. They were also testy because she had won the last game of Monopoly with questionable strategies. Another Tasha LaBouf was something they were not looking forward to.

So Father Pig knew there was only one thing to do. He banished Tasha from the mud pits and forced her to go onto the other side of the island, on the back of an ass in the middle of the raging lightning storm as her water leaked over the terrain. Though she would never find out, to this day, a rare plant grows following that path of broken water, a flower that can and WILL- when discovered- cure AIDS.

It was in the middle of her labor that the Harpies visited her and spoke of the revelation.

"You, Tasha LaBouf have engorged the gods with anger! Have you not listened to your dreams?"

"Oh-My-God" Tasha screamed in between more screams and typical labor breathing.

"It is too late to ask help from the gods they have turned a cold back on you Tasha LaBouf that is why we are here though..."

"You're birds with boobs!"

"Quiet woman! Foolish woman! The prophecy must be repeated so the plot will thicken like 7 day old porridge. You are to give birth to son who will RISE RISE RISE as high as the gods and you are to nurture you son and feed him ambrosia and keep him in a veal pen until her is femented enough to take over France. However-"

"However?"

"It is too late. The sub clause states that a botched abortion attempt will warp this prophecy and you will be left with a..."

The harpy faltered as the idea was even beyond its almighty comprehension.

"A what? A WHAT! SPEAK TO ME OH MIGHTY HARPY SPEAK TO ME SO THAT I MAY WORSHIP YOU AND BURN A NEWBORN LAMB IN LOKI'S NAME"

"a vegetarian"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" screamed Tasha and the force of her unyielding angst caused the baby to be born at the exact second that a bolt of lightning shot across the sky, striking a tree and causing it to fall on the harpy, crushing its bones. The force of the birth caused the baby to fly several feet into the steaming dead heap of harpy. It immedietly began to cry.

"THE PROPHECY IS TRUE!! WHAT SHALL I DO. OH MY GOD. WHAT SHALL I DO??"


	2. Growing Pains

"Maman Maman Maman Maman MAMAN!" wailed Erik as he stomped and smashed around the kitchen, knocking over the couldren of moonshine that Tasha had so thoughtfully put together, "You forgot to get the fucking soy milk!! You hate me! You really hate me!!"

Before Tasha could storm in and smack Erik right across his ugly and malformed Skeletor-esque face, he hid her box of Swedish Chocolates down his britches. He was full of secret magic like this all the time. It was crazy!!

Tasha stormed into the kitchen and backhanded Erik across his way ugly face with a waffle iron. Back in those days there weren't really any laws about being mean to naughty children so she was able to be a huge D-Bag to him because she never really wanted him in the first place (please refer to chapter one where a botched A-word is mentioned). Ever since that frightful day on the island life had been an upward battle for Tasha to gain respect. She was constantly strung out from dealing with a frighteningly brilliant son, though rather misguided and horrendously ugly. While all the women of the village were entering their children in cute baby contests she was feverishly working on plots to make sure no one even knew her son existed.

"Do you know how long it took to make this moonshine!?" Tasha whinnied. "This was for the Grand Masque Ball tonight. I was to be the light of the tailgating. I was to get a piece of ass. And now look at this sopping mess, why I oughta…………….."

"Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine.  
Et lux perpetua luceat eis.  
Te decet hymnus, Deus, in Sion,  
Et tibi reddetur votum in Jerusalem  
Exaudi orationem meam  
Ad te omnis caro veniet" belted out Erik. Usually at these moments he used his famed genious to terrify the shit out of his feeble minded cougar mother who actually intended to hide behind the bushes at the Masque Ball and pick up teenagers in a frenzied attempt to validify her existence.

"Oh- oh! You devil child!! I will sew that mask to your flesh if I knew it would do any good you frightful demon! If I could I would jar you in a bottle and sell you at a fair…… a fair……" her mind began to wander. There was a traveling lawn fete coming to the local Catholic Church down the street. Usually that meant oddities a plenty and rather unsafe rides.

Perhaps!

Oh yes!!

She forgot about those 5 years of torture with her beastly son and the botched abortions and the sleepless nights of boozing and whoring to forget it all.

She would sell Erik to the Lawn Fete!!


	3. The Black Parade

It was no coincidence that the eve of the Catholic Church lawn fete there was a lunar ecipse. Quite by accident, all the fried dough that night came out looking like the shape of a music note making love to a mask. Decades later historian would discover that very night across an ocean Abraham Lincoln emerged, sans the bullet hole, wandering around Bourban Street, New Orleans, Louisiana after the donkey show he attended was raided by the local 4H Club.

Tasha LaBouf was a cunning woman and would rather create a bizzare web of confusion than to confess that she had given birth to such a monstrousity. She suited Erik up in a meat costume and slung him over her shoulder and into the lawn fete. Eyebrows raised as she passed, as no one had ever seen a squirming roll of bologna before. Luckily he was weak from lack of Omega 3 Fatty Acids and not making much noise. A squirming roll of bologna could be passable, but a howling and yowling one too?? I think not.

Behind the porta potties a deal that was inked in feces was drawn up. Tasha surrendered her son- her only son that was birthed from her very tired and worn vagina- to a rogue band of drag queens. She assumed he would be used for slave labor to upkeep their numerous wigs and was relieved she would be able to live her life again.

(Tasha did not realize that night she would meet a charming quarterback from one of the area high schools and fall madly in love with him and deflowering him under the pale dazzling moonlight. She would be pregnant again, however that is another story.)

Erik on the other hand was in store for a much stranger time. By day he tended to the flock of wigs that the drag queens had raised since calves; picking and plucking and loving and hating their beautiful wigs. When it was time for the wigs to come in from pasture Erik would run out snapping at their ankles like the border collie from Babe. He was careful not to muss up their styles because Mz. Menses, the ringleader drag queen, would not let him nurse from her again.

At nights, when he wasn't sewing replacement sequins on the drag queens' outfits he tried to sleep in the manger that they left for him. However that diaspeared one night when James Cameron was filming a documentary proving the Jesus could be found. So now Erik slept in the pen used for sick wigs before they were "put to sleep". Those were the nights that he dreamed of a murky deepness full of fire and evil foreshadowing laughter, a beautiful maiden and a cursed secret. However- he felt he could reach it but missed time after time. He needed to know that secret but he always woke up at that point because there was a big cataracted eye staring at him that reminded him of something oh so long ago. It was hard to grasp.

What we know that Erik doesn't is that that eye belonged to that of Elder Harpy who visited his mother all those years ago to express the prophecy that she had forsaken.

What Erik also didn't know was that the Harpies were still keeping an eye on him. A big cataracted, crusty eye.

Years went by and Erik grew into a strappying ugly gentleman. Throughout those years he was passed off to new caretakers faster than he changed his underwear. All of them finally decided that he was too socially maladaptive and ugly to take on. His newest place of residence was actually to pretend he was a doll for the sultans creepy manchild son who was preparing to wed. This was in Persia because I am sticking to canon.

One night when he was in great pain over a bowel expolosion he accidentally left his cupboard open and the sultan's son (the prince I guess) walked by. He gasped! Dolls could not use the bathroom!!

"What kind of doll are you? Speak now or forever be banished to the bathhouses of the nursing home territory."

"Fool! Do you know who you speak so dastardly to?" with that Erik pulled out his punjab lasso and magically it was around the prince's neck!

Now one typically does say "it's all fun and games until someday gets hurt" when it comes to stimulation via autoerotic asphyxiation and this is the case of point even in this story. It all began with a ticklish laughter that the prince knew finally what he was looking for all those year, a giant doll, that Erik got a little overzealous and accidentally hanged the prince.

Devestated Erik now knew more pain in sorry. He could not bear it and like his mother, his mind snapped. He wallowed in grief 40 days and 40 nights and submitted his poetry to be viewed bythe likes of My Chemical Romance to sustain his diet of ramen and vicodin. He travelled aimlessly from town to town not changing his pants until one day he was turned away at a diner because his pants were so soiled. As he walked out with his head hung low a teenage girl threw a cube of iceburg lettuce at his backside. She did not live to see another morning.

It was at this point that it was realized that Erik could not be included in society.


End file.
